I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize