I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
