That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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