somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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