Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
