Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
