Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
