who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
