so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
