i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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