for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
