we're chasing vodka with high fives
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
