Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
