Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
