im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize