is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
