Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
