Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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