sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
