I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
