we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
