I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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