ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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