I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
