I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
