I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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