I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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