You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize