'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
