I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize