Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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