After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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