My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
