Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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