This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
