I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
