ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
