He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize