ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
someone owes me an orgasm
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
