Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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