Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
