please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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