I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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