new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
