How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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