I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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