Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
