but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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