Yo dont text me then not text me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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