you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
