dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
