I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
