I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
