it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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