he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
