Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
