I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
