I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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