so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize