that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
