never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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