I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The uberlube is also flammable
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
