Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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