next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize