and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
