dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
