You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
