entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
