If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
