obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
