she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
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