I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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