Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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